Night of the Demons (2009) * out of *****

Director: Adam Gierasch
Writers:  Jace Anderson, Adam Gierasch
Cast:  Monica Keena, Shannon Elizabeth, Edward Furlong

A group of unlikable twats hit up a party at an abandoned mansion said to have a haunted past, just to find that the spooks inhabiting the place, aren't so dormant.  Wow, really creative.
Fuck this remake.  It's a complete an utter waste of time not only for anyone who's into the horror genre, but to any person who has ever seen a film.  I don't have any personal attachment to the original, but compared to this it's a dark and intriguing look into human nature facing both inner demons, and actual demons.
The only draw this sad bastard had for me was the inclusion of Edward Furlong in the cast ("Terminator II: Judgment Day"), just because he's been absent from the industry for so long.  A bit of curiosity turned into a chore, and I fought with myself just to make it to the end credits.
The character motivations/actions are idiotic (fueled by embarrassing acting from a C list ensemble), the reasons behind what's transpiring are insultingly weak, and I've seen better effects at a low grade haunted house.
I expect silly and fun, over-the-top entertainment from a feature like this, and it isn't any of those things.  Just boring, cheap and flavorless.
Skip this heap o' trash and just catch the original, or for a better possession experience, check out "Demons" and "Demons 2" or even the fall back classic "The Exorcist."
Honestly, I don't even want to discuss it anymore, because it doesn't deserve anyone's attention or my recollection.

The Hole (2009) **1/2 out of *****

Director:  Joe Dante
Writer:  Mark L. Smith
Cast:  Chris Massoglia, Haley Bennett, Nathan Gamble, w/ Teri Polo & Bruce Dern

When a teen male, his younger brother, and their single mother move into a new house in Small Town Anywhere, USA, it seems as if boredom is the only local pastime.  With the aid of the neighboring adolescent female love interest, the 3 youths inadvertently unleash an evil presence in the basement of their new home, through a hole that physically manifests your deepest and darkest fears. 
Joe Dante's ("Gremlins" "Innerspace") latest effort suffers from two immediate issues; an obviously low budget, and a running theme of failing to achieve anything great.  Had this flick been given more green to spend (and perhaps a 1980's release), it could have fleshed out the moments in the film that really called for a grandiose scale, filling the thin and tired plot with some substantial style and flashy effects.
Instead we get what feels like a made for TV movie, albeit a decent one.  Everything is painfully average here, from the acting and cinematography, to the story and direction.
As far as the 3-D element is concerned, it outright fails.  The current Hollywood trend of adding another supposed dimension (one that allows them to reach deeper into your pocket) still usually has obvious gags in its 2-D counterpart.  Those moments when you think "oh, so I would've paid $5 more for that?  Lame."  With this feature however, outside of the opening credit sequence there were maybe 2 or 3 bits, a formatting decision that clearly began with "pro" and ended with "fit."
This is more of a family affair at it's core though,  as it's interesting enough to keep adults watching, and tame enough to keep the kids from sleeping with the lights on...like an extended episode of "Goosebumps" or "Are You Afraid of the Dark."

Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010) **1/2 out of *****

Director/Writer:  Paul W.S. Anderson
Cast:  Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Wentworth Miller, Shawn Roberts

The Resident Evil series continues to be a sore subject for someone such as myself, adoring the game franchise as I do.  No game to film translation has ever been critically successful or appeasing to the overall fan base, but RE has hit harder and struck deeper with me because of its nostalgic quality.  In the defense of the film makers though, I may just be the first fan of the games to admit that the story has always been simple and convoluted, only meant as interactive entertainment, with non-engaging, cliched story mechanics and/or characters that tend to take a back seat to the action, tension, and survival horror elements.
Alice (Milla Jovovich), after destroying an Umbrella facility in Tokyo, decides to head to a small town in Alaska to regroup with a band of survivors, who fled for safety after the events that transpired in Las Vegas in the previous installment.  She is discouraged and disappointed to find that only a disoriented Claire Redfield (Ali Larter) is present, struck with severe memory loss thus unable to recall what happened to the others.  In a hope to find salvation and their friends, the two head to Los Angeles where they team together with a band of refugees in a fortified prison, and fight not only for survival, but also for answers.
In addition to the only characters in this film from an actual Resident Evil game, Claire Redfield and Albert Wesker, we're later introduced to Claire's brother Chris, played by Wentworth Miller ("Prison Break"), a flat and underdeveloped character shoveled into the story by the writer/director in a lazy attempt to make the plot relevant to the RE universe.   Little nods to the gaming franchise are nice, but fall flat when only thrown in without explanation.  You can't toss in a villain from Resident Evil 5, give no back story or logic as to his appearance, and expect it to come off as cohesive.  It doesn't make sense, and fails to make the end product more authentic, which I assume is the intended reasoning behind these reference choices.
In addition to being nonsensical, the dialogue is often laughable (a charm the games possessed that's only cringe worthy here) and there is a lack of any real sense of immediate danger pertaining to the main players.
The film does have its moments though.  The soundtrack can be pretty kick ass, the action sequences (though ripped directly from "The Matrix") are engaging, and beautiful woman slaughtering hordes of the undead, will never, ever get old to me.  To be honest, this may be my favorite RE film to date (that's not saying much), and though it's far from a true to form Resident Evil experience, I have a feeling this is as good as it's ever going to get.

The Call of Cthulhu (2005) *** out of *****

Director:  Andrew Leman
Writer:  Sean Branney

Presented by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society in the format of a black and white silent picture, "The Call of Cthulhu" tells the doomed tale of ones obsession to find and understand the unknown, regardless of its dark and ultimately destructive nature.
If that seems like an intentionally vague synopsis, it's because it is.  There have been multiple interpretations of Lovecraft's works throughout the years of cinema, (most notably through the direction of Stuart Gordon, via such films as "Re-Animator," "From Beyond," and "Dreams in the Witch House") but few attempt to recreate the atmosphere and tone, as intended by the original author.  So being too specific about the details of the premise would not only do the source an injustice, but also ruin the mystery.
Being that this was an ambitious project clearly shot on a shoestring budget, it has its moments of brilliance.  Especially during the finale, with stop motion animation and a traditional F/X storm scene, (very cheap and very effective) that's rare to see since before the flood of CGI.
Unfortunately "The Call of Cthulhu" also wears its faults as brightly as its shining moments.  The decision to go digital (with overlying filters that attempt to "age" the feature) instead of using film, really hurts the effectiveness of the overall presentation.  It's hard to buy into the time setting, when everything has a crispness to it that just screams "I was made with a digi-cam."
This fault aside, I definitely recommend this picture to anyone new to silent films, Lovecraft, or the art of amateur movie making.  It fails to fully recreate the era intended, but the score suits it well, the set pieces are mostly proper, and it's a grand story of desire over logic and reason.

Piranha (2010) *1/2 out of *****

Director:  Alex Aja ("Haute Tension," "The Hills Have Eyes")
Writers:  Pete Goldfinger, Josh Stolberg
Cast:  Elizabeth Shue, Jerry O'Connell, Ving Rhames, w/ Christopher Lloyd & Richard Dreyfuss

It's spring break in Arizona and everyone's out partying like douche bags.  Problem is, it's at a lake where an underground quake has just released a specie of piranha thought to be extinct for millions of years.  Cue the stereotypical "local law enforcement and expert scientists band together" team, and just maybe they stand a chance of saving the population from being completely devoured.
Extreme violence?  Check.  Gratuitous nudity?  Check.  High level of purely visceral entertainment?  Not so much.
"Piranha" isn't fun.  Sure there are a few death sequences that made me giggle, and more tits and ass than a cheap southern skin joint, but it doesn't add up.  A summer popcorn flick like this should be stupid, flashy, fast paced and exciting.  It's not (well, it is pretty stupid).  Actually, its quite boring.  All the ingredients failed to equate to an experience I enjoyed or would recommend to anyone else.  It doesn't take itself seriously, for even a moment which I can commend, but when blatantly ripping off other, better films, the least it could have done was reach a high level of unpredictable ridiculousness.
Everything about this movie is below average at best, and considering Aja's track record, I'm starting to lose faith.  The last 3 films he's produced have been remakes, and they are only getting worse.  What happened to that indie french nobody who blew me away with his first international release?  He seems to be drowning in a sea of mediocrity.
If you find yourself in a position in which every DVD on the planet has been replaced with a copy of "Piranha" then maybe give it a look see, otherwise, don't waste your precious and valuable time.  Life is too short.

Monsters (2010) ** out of *****

Director/Writer:  Gareth Edwards
Cast:  Whitney Able, Scoot McNairy

The daughter of a major conglomerate news organization is trapped in Mexico 6 years after an alien presence has overtaken the Mexican/American border, and a photojournalist working for her father is sent in to recover and return the woman back home directly through the most dangerous location, the infected zone.
I'll give credit to "Monsters" for realizing its financial limitations by focusing directly on the human element and keeping 'the creatures' actual screen presence to a minimum.  This is not a monster movie.  It's more of a character study, which is also its fault.  Not only does it rely too heavily on its two bland and uninteresting protagonists, it then proceeds to offer up a social commentary about America's illegal citizen issue that seems contrived and unnecessary in a film that's already weighed down by its lack of action.  The political overtone isn't subtle here.  When the alien force makes its grand entrance, near (believe it or not) the closing of the picture, the desired effect/message is lost by an ending that overlaps the beginning, killing any sympathy for the space dwellers.
The intentions here are decent, but the execution is simply lackluster.  The CGI is television quality, the acting/dialogue is questionable, and the overall atmosphere seems forced.  Be prepared to read a never ending supply of signs reinforcing the implied situation the populace of Mexico are being forced to endure.  It's a bit overkill.
By association, "Monsters" is nothing more than a poor mans version of "District 9," executed in a different and less meaningful fashion, but with a message that fails to actually deliver.

Son of Godzilla (1967) ** out of *****

Director:  Jun Fukuda
Writers:  Shinichi Sekizawa, Kazue Shiba
Cast:  Tadao Takashima, Akira Kubo, Bibari Maeda

A group of Japanese scientists, along with a freelance journalist shadowing for a story & aided by a native woman, attempt to test out a new weather control experiment on a remote island that also happens to be inhabited by flying mantises and a giant spider.  Everything seems to be going according to plan until everyone's favorite giant reptile shows up to protect something hidden within the island itself, an egg, which turns out to be...the Son of Godzilla.  The battle between monsters begins, and the human element attempts to continue forward with their endeavor, with a hope for saving the entire race.
Sound ridiculous?  It is, but not in a way that's very interesting or consistently entertaining or even so bad it's good.  The film has a charm about it, but it wears thin with a redundancy that makes it difficult to enjoy.
Almost every scene drags on and on, actually making an hour and a half running feature seem like a 3 hour endurance test.  There's enjoyment to be had here, especially when Minilla (yes, that's actually Son of Godzilla's name) clumsily stumbles about, rubbing his tummy and blowing smoke rings instead of fire, grunting and moaning to the sounds of stock audio of dogs and donkeys, but it's not enough to counter balance the boredom that results of the slow, lifeless and uninspired human characters and their over extended story that fills far too much of the actual movie.  A film like this should be nothing but pure fun, but that factor is surprisingly minimal.  Not even the fights that ensue between the different monsters is all that engaging, with sloppy choreography that's more embarrassing than hilarious.
All in all "Son of Godzilla" has little to offer, and with a title that insinuates the spawn of said giant lizard would be ever present, sadly he's not, and the picture and audience suffers for it.